Along the Way

It is three months (give or take) before I leave for basic. What am I feeling? Wow, I am not even sure of that myself. The title holds but a mere glimpse into it...

Alas. Why am I so bloody hopeless?

( “No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.” )

*sigh* Another long ramble from Sil here! In this case, my long ramble is about love. Not just the word and its many definitions, but the actual feeling of, and how easy it is to lose it. Now, according to the Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love) it has many meanings. Of course, I agree with that, seeing as I love my mama, but differently than I love my daughter, and I love them both much differently than I love my best friend.

It is this best friend that is the cause of this ramble...

( “A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” )

Umhmmm...stolen from other people, lol. A music game, thing, sort of. Ah, just read it.

Put your music player (ipod, computer, whatever) on shuffle and write down the song that comes on for each question. Make sure to write THE song, no skipping!!!

This is only one of many games one can play with music. Maybe more to come if I feel in the mood.

( Onwards, Fellow Soldiers! )

MAJOR RANT! Don't read if you don't want to bother.

Today one of my co-workers and I were having what I like to term a healthy debate, which is one where you can see both sides of the story and you don't get angry cause the other side is sticking to it. So Sara and I were debating religion and the many facets thereof, such as evolution and personal beliefs.

( Read more... )

Part Three

And yet

To take that first movement

And reach for

That anything

 

To let the nothingness drop

From your tight grip

So tight your knuckles are frozen in place

 

That first breath so painful

Freezing your lungs with the coldness

Of air after nothing

 

And through this pain

Can I take the next step?

Or am I stuck, again?

 

What will it take to convince

My heart and soul and brain

To move first one leg, then the other

To go forward, to reach out

 

To reach, reach, reach

And to touch...

To breathe...

 

To feel...

 

Can it be done?

Part Two

Do we not risk in order to gain?

With pain, we train…

Feel, allow something

To give way to something

Give way to anything.

 

Why not try letting the world in?

Is it not worthy to let someone touch your heart?

 

Isn’t it better to be a clown

To turn upside that frown

To hug a bear, cuddle fur

 

Sometimes we gloat at anything

To remember that something

That rewards the moment you invest

Waits for you to look away

And then grabs you

 

Leaving memories in its wake

A feeling that pulses in the void

of something

A void waiting to be filled

 

Is it not worth it for me to grab on?

Is it not worth it to surface?

Worth it to breathe again and again?

 

Biggest question being

How happy can I be if it happens?

Will I squeal with the joy

of feeling again

Of experiencing something new

 

Is it?

Is it worth the risk?

Is it worth the pain?

To feel, to allow the nothingness

To give way to something

Give way to anything?

 

Is it better to allow the world in?

Is it better to allow your heart to crack?

 

Or is it better to let it all drown

To let everyone down

And not care, not feel.

 

Is it better to float in nothing

To forget about that anything

That awaits the moment you slip

Waits for you to let down your guard

And sneaks in

 

Leaving in its wake a feeling

A feeling that hurts in a void

Of nothingness

A void where feelings don’t belong

 

Is it worth it for me to let go?

Is it worth it for me to surface

Worth it to breathe in again?

 

Biggest question being

Can I handle it if it happens?

Or will I scream with the pain

Of feeling again

Where I suffocated what was once

 

Is it?